And All Other Things
I may have to discontinue my blog for two reasons, the first being that my anime blog and posts (re: my Alice Academy post in here nets 10 comments daily) gets all the big hits and the second being that I’ve been feeling largely disconnected emotionally hence the lack of will to write. These past few days, weeks even–there’s this feeling of distance and melancholy overtaking me. I feel lonely even during a fun dinner, I feel detached amidst the barrage of emotions going my way.
The feeling is not emptiness but it’s quite similar in the sense that I feel listless and restless but that I feel there’s something out there that would turn this tide of unemotional anxiety (hehe, I coined that phrase) but that special thing is just beyond my reach. Maybe its the lack of male-female dynamics the last few months– however, I did recently rectify it and I have made personal vows to just “go with the flow and not overanalyze”. So option one solved. Personal plans are well on their way, I’ve mapped out and am working through to achieve my dreams. So option two is also check. So why am I feeling this way? It’s this absolute lack of feeling that’s been bugging and bothering me. Has the past stripped me of whatever emotions I have? I’ve been getting really into, ehem, actually even more into anime because all the feelings I want to feel are written so wonderfully in the many stories I’m watching.
But I seriously think I may need professional help soon (as if I already don’t, nyahaha) because for a straight-shooting law student slash classic overcompensating type like me, why are all my dream guys Peter Parker (the emo nerd), Bruce Wayne (emotionally unavailable vengeful guy) and Light Yagami (Death Note’s coolly brilliant but remorseless psychopathic killer)? *sobs*
And all the other things like I mentioned above will have to be put on the sidelines until I’m not so messed up anymore. So for now, hibernation mode on and anime fan girl personality will have to take control.
dimaks said,
May 8, 2007 at 1:03 am
well, good luck on whatever you will be doing..
Cat said,
May 8, 2007 at 11:46 am
goodluck Joan
but I’m still hoping your decision is not final.
Natsu said,
May 9, 2007 at 8:22 am
Well, I hope you’ll come back soon, Joan-san.
Sometimes people are like that – they just want to give things a rest, even the things that they really like. Like me for example, sometimes I just don’t want to draw or sketch or paint anymore as much as I love art. You become more addicted with whatever it is that you love with a passion after the said “hibernation”.
Good luck with it all!
rina said,
May 9, 2007 at 12:01 pm
i hope this is just a phase. i think a lot of us go through those attacks of melancholy, where you’re just going through life and realize at some point, hey, where have all the past x weeks/months/years gone? what have i been doing? and we shake ourselves awake, and hope the remission lasts longer this time
verns said,
May 10, 2007 at 3:27 pm
we all have our moments…sometimes mahabang moments, minsan maikli. But one thing’s for sure..it will pass….that’s it if you want it to pass
Goodluck my friend….life is beautiful
Scarlett said,
June 5, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I agree…we all have to go through this phase in life at one time or another. But one thing I’m sure of – this will pass.
I hope you’re feeling better already Joan.
Cheer up!