Guilty~Beauty~Love Part 2

January 18, 2007 at 9:19 am (PresentTense)

GUILTY. I must confess that I’m guilty of wallowing in self-induced pity. Last night while on a rabid search to find my original transcript of records, I stumbled onto some precious mementos from my last relationship. I smiled through most of the cards, the kept tickets, the pictures but when I found a fortune from a friend’s wedding cake, tears started falling. The memories of being there in my friend’s wedding with him and making plans all came back to me…especially with the message of the fortune reading, “Faith dares anything, love bears everything…” and it didn’t help one bit that Snow Patrol’s “You Could Be Happy” began playing in my cellphone. Well, as much as I hated the waterworks, I did feel better after it. I felt a little guilty though for still crying about something in the past, my love problems are not a big deal as compared to others. And I don’t think I’m licensed to cry about my fate because I know I’m luckier and blessed than most. So I’m guilty of self-imposed misery. *sighs*

 BEAUTY. One of the many blessings I’ve been counting is the fact that after I got dragged through emotional hell and purgatory, everybody and I mean everybody has been saying I look really good. From first boyfriends, to strangers, to friends, to colleagues… I’ve been receiving a lot of compliments about how I’ve been looking lately. The funny thing is, just yesterday, three guys totally asked for my number. Hahahahaha! The first encounter was during lunch time while I was buying my food. The next one was while I was waiting to ride the bus home and two call center looking guys began making pa-cute (but they were SO NOT CUTE), and the last was while I was buying Pizza Hut in Starmall and the attendant was asking for my number. Yeesh!!! The last two attempts to get my number received my signature, “I-don’t-hear-or-see-anything-or-anyone-talking-to-me” look. I exchanged YM addresses with the first guy though because he seemed pretty decent. I’m truly grateful that I get all the attention, it’s such an ego stroke to be thought of as beautiful especially after being dumped. I mean, things could have been worse, I could be 32, dumped, fat and ugly… but thank God I’m not any of those!

LOVE. I could listen to “I Miss You” by Boyz II Men, “I’d Still Say Yes,” “Someday” and other angsty songs without shedding a tear or thinking about my ex. But last night, while I was going through stuff and listening to Snow Patrol, tears fell. Especially after seeing the fortune and hearing, “You Could Be Happy” playing in my ears. But I guess crying was okay, grieving is a normal process of letting go. And I do admit that I don’t love him anymore, I mean, I still care and a part of me will always love him for having been the one for me… but my future doesn’t lie with him. And I look forward to falling in love the same way again someday but not just today.

2 Comments

  1. Natsu said,

    January 19, 2007 at 10:15 am

    Although I don’t know much when it comes to relationships, but I wish you all the best with your new hope in love, Joan-san!
    Gan batte kudesai! p>w

  2. Oliver Queen said,

    January 19, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    Dreaming With A Broken Heart
    Artist: John Mayer
    Album: Continuum

    When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
    The waking up is the hardest part
    You roll outta bed and down on your knees
    And for the moment you can hardly breathe
    Wondering was she really here?
    Is she standing in my room?
    No she’s not, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

    When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
    The giving up is the hardest part
    She takes you in with your crying eyes
    Then all at once you have to say goodbye
    Wondering could you stay my love?
    Will you wake up by my side?
    No she can’t, ’cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

    Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
    Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
    Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
    Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
    Would you get them if i did?
    No you won’t, ’cause you’re gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….

    When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
    The waking up is the hardest part
    ************************************************
    It’s a good song though. Remember, there’s always hope. :-)

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