Laws of Attraction
I’m in a weird place, I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m no longer hung up like a lunatic on my ex but I’m also not very interested in guys right now. I truly, absolutely, and completely envy people who fall in and out of love easily. I have friends who move from one boyfriend to the next within a day’s span but me??? Err, let’s see, the last time I went on a rebound date/relationship (and let me tell you, it was months after my first ever break-up), it ended in a total DISASTER.
And I’m talking about a momumental disaster of TITANIC proportions and it happened to me twice, both occuring after I broke up with my first boyfriend. It took me almost four years before I finally got serious again but the guys who were in my life following that period never even came close. As bad as it sounds (and maybe what’s happening to me right now is karma), no one ever touched my heart as deeply in those long years. Sure, I dated steadily, sure I had my pick, sure I had “kilig” moments, swoon-worthy suitors and really fun memories but I was never involved seriously and it’s funny that I only got my first kiss when I was 21.
As my friend Precious said, I’m too much of an extremist. I feel too deeply, I love too deeply, I hate too deeply…and for an independent, strong-willed woman such as myself, I hate the fact that I still tend to care too deeply even if it’s unwarranted, unwanted and undeserving. Read the rest of this entry »
When It Rains…
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to not be sad at the sight of rain. Coincidentally, the lowest points in my life have been drenched by memories made in the rain. So now, while a typhoon rages through the country, as I battle against my “mother-complex complications”, as I desperately hold on from going beyond the brink of my pain threshold–I welcome the rain. Because it weeps for the tears I can never shed and it washes over with painful gentleness, these fissures in my deeply scarred heart.
–==+==–
Wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I’d chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I’d screamed out loud,
Instead I’ve found no meaning.I guess it’s time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure’s the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I’ve heard what they say, but I’m not here for trouble.
It’s more than just words: it’s just tears and rain.
What are the keys to my heart?
I recently took a quiz, What are the Keys to Your Heart and I got very interesting result:
You are attracted to those who have a split personality – cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You’d like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You’ll do anything for love, but you won’t fall for it easily.
–==+==–
Hmmm…. interesting… Here’s the link if you feel like taking it too! http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/
Blogbites: Merits
Okay, I am such a pathetic human being that I absolutely lack the words to describe how wretchedly I am acting right now, Gah!!! I hate myself, anyway, time to move on to subjects that actually have any merit.
Blogbite 1. Ninang. Well, here’s a surprise! I had no idea Selle was even considering me as a godmother to her baby boy, Aston Reece but apparently, she found merit in the thought of getting me as a ninang! Wow, it’s actually gonna be the first time I’ll ever be the godmother to anybody because I’m the eldest in both sides of the family so nobody has gone through childbirth and stuff yet. Hmm…I’m very pleased with the thought of being a ninang, I’ll remember his birthday and I’ll give him gifts on christmas… I’m so excited!
Blogbite 2. Wai! So many things going great right now, I’m gonna be going to E-Games again this afternoon for an in-depth article on Ran Online. It’s great that I have monthly writing projects which are 1000 words and up–it’s like an extra 1K every month! Wheeeee!!! I’m so glad they found merit in my writing skills.
Blogbite 3. Okay, I’m torn! People, please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Since I have time and extra money on my hands, I’m planning to channel this excess on enrolling in a class. I have two options, Bikram yoga which is just here in Paseo and brazilian juijitsu as recommended by my sportscasting group. Start-up session for Bikram yoga is Php 900.00 and Php 3,600.00 monthly fee. I can take classes any day of the week and my officemates are also looking forward to enjoying that class with me. However, I’ve always had my eye on taking a self-defense class for like forever! I wasn’t able to take any before because I wasn’t financially independent and when I did have the money, I never had the time because I was too busy being a doormat girlfriend. So now that I have time and money, I’m really looking forward to leveling up my power! *evil grin* So I’m really torn between two choices, while I would love to take yoga to promote my balance and tranquility, the brazilian juijitsu is calling to me (not just because it’s cheaper, Php 2,000.00) because at this point in my life, I feel so emotionally weak and powerless. So, what do I pick? Help!!!!
Weekend Bliss and A Dumb Pick-up Line
For the first time in weeks, I had the most wonderfully relaxing weekend! Usually, I have classes and afterwards would hang out with friends but last weekend, I found myself spending quality time with me. And it was fun being on a date with myself, anime marathon and Nora Roberts marathon to my heart’s content, eating all the food I like best (Jollibee, KFC, pringles), giving myself a home beauty treatment (bwahahahahaha! I discovered the wonders of moisturizers!), I actually turned my cell phone off and just let myself breathe deeply for once. And it was wonderful. I felt so relaxed and at peace with myself, I finally reconciled myself with my looks and I did promise myself to take better care of my appearance this time around. No more afraid to wear miniskirts!
Although, while going through my mini-soul searching, I did arrive at a conclusion that it’s best if I don’t date anybody (yes, even dates with male friends, excluding Gus of course) for the time being. It’s gonna be bloody hard to refuse entertainment and attention but I really think I need to relax and enjoy single-blessedness and not have to go through the complications of male-female dynamics. There’s no need to rush myself after all and if those guys are truly serious about me, they’d wait, after all they managed to wait for 2 years. ^_^ Read the rest of this entry »
