Hyperventilate
Gasping, shortness of breath, manic heart rate– is this a panic attack?
I feel weird– again, my day was a complete revelation and it’s actually a good thing.
I can’t seem to stop smiling– my step has gotten lighter but whenever I think about the events that have transpired– I have two reactions, first is the panic attack symptoms and the next is an unbreakable smile. I find myself switching between the two… sheesh! I must be going nuts!
An officemate of mine has also been reading my blogs and he commented, “You are a romantic, probably sick to a certain point.. (x_x)” Well, based on all the evidence presented, I probably am.
It’s Complicated
I can’t think of a good way to describe last weekend except as the infamous and very showbiz line, “It’s complicated.” And certainly it is.
I’m probably stressing over nothing, I’m probably also stressing over nothing to not think about anything, I’m probably stressing on what seems to be nothing but could be something, I’m probably stressing over something that I think is nothing but may turn out to be a completely new thing! See my train of thought? Totally whacked out!
I’m not even sure I can articulate the events happening and unfolding in my life– every day is a surprise, a discovery, I really think I’m much stronger now in the aftermath of a 9/2 disaster. I guess it’s just disorienting that my life has taken several unpredictable turns, I’m not exactly happy about it, but what else can I do? I guess the neatly arranged years I’ve planned would have to fly out the window, as my friends say, “Be your own priority.” And now I am. Of course, I still get occasionally choked up when I think about the past but I’m trying to put it where it should be– in the past. After all, I did get kicked to the curb over work.
Right now–I’m pretty much okay, I did tell my parents about it, I had time to grieve over what can’t be changed and yes, I finally did accept the fact that there are just some things I can’t change. I can just change myself.
So this “it’s complicated” line, I gladly welcome it. It’s a nice distraction while I pick up the pieces and hopefully, move on.
